I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
