I'll bet she douches with gravy.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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