I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize