so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
