So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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