This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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