The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
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