your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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