Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My feet surprised me
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