3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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