he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
