Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
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