Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
