I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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