her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
