you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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