The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
