I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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