genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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