Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
