I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I think I won the penis lottery.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
