she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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