whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
