i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
