k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
