Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
