I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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