how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
