im about as happy as oj after his trial
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
