Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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