It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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