If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
