you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
