I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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