So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
