I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize