so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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