I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
