Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
