You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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