1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Can i not drive my cunt home
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
