How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
