I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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