Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
