So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
