Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
