I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
