Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
