I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
