Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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