well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
