Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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