Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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