so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
