dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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