Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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