There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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