his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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