I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
