That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
