I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Randomize
