i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
