I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
