remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
