fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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