Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
