I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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