"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
