I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
