im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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