You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
