in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
