I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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